Adventure in: Hustling through the Bullsh*t

Have you ever felt like time is moving really fast but nothing has changed all that much? Two months have flown by and I don’t have much to report. Mercury Retrograde was especially rough this time around. I booked a spontaneous trip to NOLA and I had to cancel my trip less than 24 hours before hopping on the plane. The state of Louisiana declared a state of emergency and they were on hurricane watch. I was really disappointed because I really needed that trip to reconnect with myself, possibly my true self. Traveling is how I ground myself and right now I need all the grounding I can get. I am aching for foreign places, unfamiliar smiles, and the joy that comes from new adventures.

Despite disappointments of plans not going right, things not working out in my favor, and a bunch of inconveniences all occurring to cause delays in my daily life, I’m trying to find little things that sparks joy. I know that it’s been tough for me to not have negative thoughts and I know that the only one who can change this is me. I can’t control the weather, can’t control glitches in technology, and I certainly cannot control someone’s behavior but I can do something about the funk I am in. Since exploring new places excites me, I have been making more of an effort to do that in little ways. I went to a new Harry Potter themed coffee shop and explored new parts of the cities. I took a ceramic class and got to use the wheel to make my first ceramic bowl. I’ve been listening to new genres of music (* ahem BTS* ) and opening myself up to new artists. Last night I went to the OC Fair with Brittany and Sam and we had a great time petting farm animals and screaming / laughing hysterically on rides. I want to incorporate more of these little moment of joys in my life more and not feel so stagnant. I want to enjoy the journey I am on now. I really miss writing about my frolics and I realized how much it helped me with keeping a positive, grateful mindset. It’s time for me to get back to writing and sharing.

I can’t promise that I’ll be back to posting regularly but I can promise that I’ll be more enthusiastic next time I write. xox

Adventure in: Staying Still

Oh, hi! Life has been taking me on an adventure since I’ve last written. I am ecstatic to say that I am now fully employed at a tech company! I’m still on edge a bit about this whole thing… It’s been a month and I’m still a bit weary that I’ll be jobless. What’s wrong with me?! The past 7 months have taught me so much about getting past the struggles, picking myself up from being down in the dumps, and to learn to never give up. My mind is still racing about the next goals, the next steps to take but I am trying to slow down for now to enjoy the stability. I am very blessed that this job came through and my coworkers are really friendly and sweet! It’s been such a supportive and welcoming environment to work in. Even if this isn’t my ideal role, it’s exactly what I needed and I am so grateful for the opportunities and the people who’s helped me to get this far!

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I also got to visit a new coffee shop near the downtown area called Bloom & Plume Coffee ! I loved the colorful aesthetics and the fact that the shop is owned by a person of color! Plus, they also carry flowers and floral arrangements. I grabbed myself an oat milk latte and a delicious ricotta jam toast to enjoy on a warm, sunny day.

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I’ve been healing emotionally and mentally this past month. I feel lighter and more hopeful in terms of meeting someone new. For a while it really felt like I couldn’t let go of that heavy, sinking feeling whenever I thought about my past romances. My self esteem hit an all time low when I was struggling so hard with finding a job and dealing with my health issues. I couldn’t see that light at the end of the tunnel but now I’ve made it through on the other side. I am so happy that I am over it and I am ready to begin again.

I have so many things to look forward to for the next few months! I’ll write more when things are confirmed.

XO,

Yours Truly



Adventure in: Overthinking

My mornings consist of waking up around 8:30am, making a cup of coffee via French press, indulging in meditation, and then a lot of time checking social media. I know that I should be more mindful of how I spend my time but Youtube, Instagram, and Twitter are all so damn good for wasting time! Plus, does it count as wasting time if I’m ‘catching up’ with news and watching TedTalks?? Hmmm…

Driving is where I can disconnect. Being in traffic where I am alone for hours and hours, I get to spend a lot of my time in my car pondering about the meaning of life while I’m most likely on the 101. Here are some random thoughts that has crossed my mind lately.

  1. I wonder how people in small town live. How do they not get bored? What do they do for fun?

  2. I recently saw some videos on Instagram influencers being exposed. I’ve never used FaceTune but it seems like everyone is doing it. Where is the line between acceptable editing and catfishing? Am I catfishing people with my flattering selfies? What do people think of me and what I put out there? Am I being true to myself?

  3. When will I have a full time job and regain structure and purpose? I’m actually looking forward to having a normal schedule again.

  4. Your passion doesn’t need to be how you make a living. At the end of the day, I need to separate my work life from my personal life. I don’t want to stress about my passions or have it be criticized when all I want to do is enjoy it in my own way.

  5. Are there people out there who really wants to be loved and be in love with only one person? Is it possible to have monogamy in a long term, committed relationship and not feel bored or unfulfilled?

  6. Sometimes I wonder if my exes or guys I had had flings with wonder about me. Am I ever “the one who got away”? If they had one thing they wanted to tell me, what would it be?

  7. Does everything happen for a reason?

  8. What if I just delete all my social media accounts and live off the grid?

  9. When and where will I book my next trip??

  10. Is this design program worth it?

  11. How do I prepare myself for savings, investments, and eventually buying a property? It feels so out of reach right now.

  12. More questioning about the meaning of life and if I’m on the right path.

  13. Feeling grateful for what I do have and that I’m not homeless or ill.

  14. Needs vs Wants

A glimpse into my mind… Are you exhausted, yet?

Next week is the last week of Winter Quarter! I can’t wait for Spring weather and the feelings associated with new beginnings <3

XOXO

Adventure in: Practicing Self-Care

Hello world! Happy Sunday! It’s been really difficult to put my thoughts into words. I’ve been dealing with some health issues that were triggered by my severe anxiety and stress since December. I had to let go and cut out a lot of things from my life. Being out of a full time job gave me a lot of time to think. Even though initially I was devastated by my health situation, I am recovering and appreciating life so much more. Don’t worry, I’ll be okay and luckily it’s not life threatening.

This whole experience has been an eye opener for what it really means to be healthy. Self-care isn’t something that can take a backseat to a career, to relationships, or to other responsibilities. Self-care needs to be taken care of in order to be fulfilled in all areas of life. For example, if you don’t take care of your health and become sick, would you be able to work to pay your bills? Nope!

Even though I’m still dealing with everything that’s been going on, I can honestly say that this difficult period in my life has been a blessing in disguise. It’s made me stop and actually be aware of my life, how I’m feeling, and what my body is telling me. Whatever I was thinking and feeling had manifested itself physically and there’s no way to deny that I needed to get my health back on the right path. Here are some things I had come to realize when it comes to practicing self-care.

Meditation is not about blocking out thoughts. Before getting into mindfulness and meditation, I used to think that meditation is blocking out all thoughts and clearing your mind. And I thought to myself “uhhh can I really not think about anything?” Thank goodness I found guided meditations on Youtube to help me with meditation and to change my perceptions of the practice. Instead of not thinking, I use meditation to be in the present. It’s like a holiday for my brain to take a break from worrying about the future and to stop dwelling on the past. For 10 minutes a day I give myself permission to enjoy the present… It’s done wonders for me! I look forward to 10 minutes of “me time” and it’s made me a lot less anxious when I feel the weight of the world on me. I want to eventually work my way up to 30 minutes daily.

Exercise isn’t just for looking good, it’s for honoring the body you have. Confession time: I HATE WORKING OUT! It’s honestly sooo boring and I have never been disciplined enough to stick to it long term so that I can really feel and see the difference in my body. However, now that I am working on my mind, I totally view the act of working out as something different. I know that there are so many health benefits to exercising. It can help with depression, stress, etc, but I was too lazy and shallow to think of it that way. I only felt the pressure to exercise if I had wanted to look good in a certain dress, prepare for a trip where I had to wear something revealing, and other superficial reasons. I still don’t like exercising and I am still inconsistent but my thoughts on it has changed. My body is a vessel and I’ll have it until the day I die. I should be taking care of it and keeping it healthy for as long as I can because it’s the only one I have. It’s still a constant struggle to get my butt off the couch and get moving but I’m trying harder than before.

There are infinite resources to motivate and inspire you on your self-care journey. Oh what a wonderful world we live in where almost everything we want to know about is just a click away. When I was at a lost on how to go about with this whole thing, I found so many valuable free resources on YouTube and websites like Girlboss and TheEveryGirl. My favorite hot mess who’s also my fave mental health activist is Jen Gotch from Bando. I love how open and vulnerable she’s been with her hardships and journey to a healthier, happier self. I look up to other ladies who had been through it all and still strive to get better and let others know that they’re not alone. If you ever feel like you’re alone in your journey, just know that you can find so many resources online to help get you where you want to be.

What you eat is what your body is fueled by. When I first discovered my poor health condition, I had to detox my body from all the junk food I was eating daily during the holiday season. One of the things I had to cut out was gluten. It was then that I discovered that gluten is in so many things! Like different salad dressings and soy sauce! I was craving all the bread and noodles and I couldn’t have any of it. I had to remind myself that even though food is for enjoying, it’s also a fuel for my body to function properly. I needed to consume healthy whole foods in order for my body to absorb vitamins and repair itself. I can eat gluten again and boy am I grateful! I do let myself enjoy junk now but I also eat more healthy as well to have some kinda balance. Also, I finally started taking vitamins and making it a part of my daily lifestyle for the first time in my adult life!

It’s okay to not be positive all the time. It’s been rough, man. Some days I had really dark thoughts. Some days I wanted to stay in bed and cry and watch Netflix all day. And then there are days where I feel a new jolt of energy to put on pants, brush my hair, and get out into the world again. What I’ve learned is that even though we’ve all heard over and over again that we must remain positive, everything is a lesson, things will eventually get better, blah blah blah… sometimes you just gotta let yourself cry and feel all the shitty feelings you feel. You’re human. You’re allowed to be scared and angry and some days it’s okay if you give up. What’s important is that you after you let yourself break down, you have to pick up the pieces and put yourself back together again. Because as much as I’m tired of hearing it, I know that it won’t be this crappy forever and I will get through this. Life is going to work itself out like it always has.

Adventure In: Being Thankful.

Gobble Gobble! Once again Thanksgiving Day snuck up on all of us. We have less than a week until it's time to binge on pumpkin pie, nap, and then binge all over again. 

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Sometimes I wonder if time seems to fly by so quickly because I am getting older. When I was younger, I felt like I had all the time in the world and now I barely have time to run to Trader Joe's. What's up with that?  

It's actually the perfect time for me to reflect on the year so far because often I get so wrapped up in my head that I forget to take a breather. With all the shocking news about sexual abuse, political BS, and personal struggles, I think we all need to have this time to remind us to be grateful for what we do have. 

I'm trying my hardest to believe that everything happens for a reason even though the reasons aren't so obvious all the time. Maybe it'll make sense in the future. 

I feel like in the span of just a few months my life has shifted and turned in so many different unpredictable directions. When I left my office job in January to pursue the freelance life, I had no idea where I was going next. I looked into the future and all I saw was a blank. As someone who relies on intuition to guide me along the way, that was super scary. I felt like I lost my bigger vision and so I stayed stagnant. I tried grasping on to the ideal friendships, the ideal romance, other people's aspirations and expectations to try to make those my guidelines. I was trying to be something and someone I am not. And then I fell down the rabbit hole. I'm still finding my way out of it and getting closer to something greater. Slowly but surely, I am getting there. 

So, I would like to take this time to give many thanks just off the top of my head: 

  • Thanks to my many female friends for teaching me what it's like to have a support group.
  • Thanks to my mentor who taught me and gave me the opportunity to do work from anywhere.
  • Thanks to my first love who came back to give me the closure I had needed to move on.
  • Thanks to the failed dating relationships that helped me heal my past emotional baggage and helped me get closer to being ready for the right guy.
  • Thanks to all the jobs that came through just in time before I have $0 in my bank account.
  • Thanks to all the people who work tirelessly everyday to make this world a more just place.
  • Thanks to everyone who had / has been a part of my human experience. 
  • Thanks to my family, especially my mom, for always pulling through no matter what.
  • Thank YOU, whoever you are, for reading these words. 
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There's still a little over a month left of 2017 to really end the year with a bang. I have a few more weeks of school and then I have a month of break time before Winter quarter starts in January. Let's see what transpires until then. 

XO

 

 

 

Adventure In: Aura Portrait

I'm am so happy for sweater weather and the time change so we get that extra hour of sleeping in. Like most people, I can't believe it's already November! Luckily the feeling of Autumn has caught up with the month because October was especially brutal and sweaty. I'm ready to stock up on tea and hot chocolate!

Yesterday I went to get my portrait taken by the awesome team from @haloauragraphic . It was my first time getting my aura read so I didn't know what to expect. This experience was awesome and my auras were captured on a polaroid film! 

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The whole process was simple and took about 5 minutes. I met the photographer / aura reader and we went into his dark tent where the portrait was taken. I was told to sit on a chair in front of the camera and it felt like I was taking a class photo. The photographer had me placed my hands on two silver hand sensors that is supposed to read my body's electromagnetic energy. I held that pose for about 10 seconds and my aura is then captured through the analog camera. 

We waited about a minute until my photo is ready and then on to the reading. I was told that my head space is mostly Orange and Yellow. Orange is creative, independent, courageous, and resourceful. Yellow is optimistic, free-spirited, generous, and fun-loving. In the right of me in my polaroid photo, you can see Green and Blue, which are the colors of what is coming towards me. Blue is compassion, nurturing, loyalty, and sensitivity. My left side is what I put out into the world, which is Green. Green is driven, successful, healing, and entrepreneurial. 

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I thought it was pretty accurate but I also heard that auras can change all the time depending on your mood. It was bit pricey but I'm glad I got to do it! It's just one of those things you do once just to give it a try. All in all, it was an interesting insight and I received some words of affirmations.

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Now that I've had a week or so to calm down the doubt in my mind, I'm feeling more motivated to move on forward. I'm honestly very grateful for all the support I've received from chance meetings and kind acquaintances that have been helping me in any way they can. I know that it's a long road ahead with my career change and it won't be simple but it's achievable. I need to get myself in that positive state of mind, work harder, and then the rest will work out the way it's meant to work out.

My heart is continuing to heal and I have faith that there's something special just around the corner. 

xox